Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.