Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
