Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus