Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett