Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.