Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.