Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
