What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
