"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich." — Violet Matters
A nun, sister Sarah, wakes up one morning feeling great, she gets out of bed and decides to go to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," to which sister Jane answers, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed this morning sister."
Puzzled, sister Sarah did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it and went on.
She's passing by the garden when she runs into sister Roberta and says, "Good morning sister Roberta hope you're having a great day!"
Sister Roberta answers, "Good morning sister Sarah, I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed today."
Sarah was now really anxious to know why everybody she meets keeps saying that when she feels so great, and so she decides to go and see mother superior, who was in her office. She enters and asks mother superior, "Holy mother, everybody keeps telling me that I got off on the wrong side of the bed, but I feel great!"
The mother superior replies: "That's because you have brother John's shoes on."
My computer has a language That is foreign to me It speaks of RAM and Gigabytes And what could ROM be! I don’t understand the Windows My computer says are there Nor the Gem Clip at the side of my page Wth eyes that blink and stare! I don’t unerstand the cures That maintenance wizards do It’s called defragmenter, span disk, And virus cleaning too! Yet, computer and I work hand and eye With a mouse to translate The tasks that I want it to do While it points out my mistakes! (Burmah M. Teague)
The lobster and the crab one day Proposed a friendly race. Agreed upon the time were they, Agreed upon the place. The start and finish lines were where The two thought they should be. The crayfish with a clock was there To act as referee. And though the rule-book then was read, Not all was clarified; For as the lobster forward sped The crab went to the side. (Jeffrey Krise)
The lobster and the crab one day Proposed a friendly race. Agreed upon the time were they, Agreed upon the place. The start and finish lines were where The two thought they should be. The crayfish with a clock was there To act as referee. And though the rule-book then was read, Not all was clarified; For as the lobster forward sped The crab went to the side.
(Jeffrey Krise)
The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad; He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road. “Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried, “Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side? If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly; Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high. If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth; I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.” He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole. “The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
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A nun, sister Sarah, wakes up one morning feeling great, she gets out of bed and decides to go to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," to which sister Jane answers, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed this morning sister."
Puzzled, sister Sarah did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it and went on.
She's passing by the garden when she runs into sister Roberta and says, "Good morning sister Roberta hope you're having a great day!"
Sister Roberta answers, "Good morning sister Sarah, I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed today."
Sarah was now really anxious to know why everybody she meets keeps saying that when she feels so great, and so she decides to go and see mother superior, who was in her office. She enters and asks mother superior, "Holy mother, everybody keeps telling me that I got off on the wrong side of the bed, but I feel great!"
The mother superior replies: "That's because you have brother John's shoes on."
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