Frog Jokes

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?" The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it near the piano. It climbed onto the bench and began playing music. The bartender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said, "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?" The bartender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano.  The bartender smiled and told the man that he was impressed. A man in a suit with a cane walked into the bar, saw the small animals, and offered to buy them for $2 million. The owner said no, but he offered to sell the frog for $500k. The rich man agreed, took the frog, and left. The bartender couldn't believe the owner just did that and said "Why did you just sell the frog?! There is no singer now!" The owner laughed and said, "Don't worry, the rat is a ventriloquist."

A chicken walks into the library, marches to the desk, and says: "Book, book, BOOK!" The librarian hands over a couple of novels, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill. Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, "Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK!" The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away. The next day, the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, "Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!" This time, once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows — across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond. On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the pond's edge, and says, "Book, Book, Book!" The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says: "Read it, read it, read it..."

A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it is really phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously answered this question many times. "One day", he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to the stream. So i picked up the frog and it said, 'Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.' So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said - 'You now have 3 wishes.' I looked at my scrawny 60kg body and said, 'I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger.' She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She asked, 'What will be your second wish?' I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, 'I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.' She nodded, laid down and beckoned me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, 'You know, you do have one more wish, what will it be?' I looked at her and replied, 'How 'bout a little head?'

A male frog goes to a psychic and asks him when he will meet his one true love. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."