Believes Jokes

My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
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