Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
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