Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
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