What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
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