Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Go to BabaMail
