Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
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