What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
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