How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
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