What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
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