What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Can February March? No. But April May.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
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