Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
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