Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
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