What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
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