What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
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