What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
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