How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
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