What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
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