Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
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