Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
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