If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
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