Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
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