What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
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