Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
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