What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
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