What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
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