Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
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