Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
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