How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
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