What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
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