What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
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