What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
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