Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
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