What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
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