What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
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