Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
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