What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
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