Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
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