What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
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