Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's.
When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read: "Now there are two!"
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