Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
I wanna bob for your apples.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
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