“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin