“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
