"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."