I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".