What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.