I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.