I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.