Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
