I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.