I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....