You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".