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Visit Jokes

Gnome Puns
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Medieval Puns
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Strawberry Puns
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Tiger Puns
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Ghost Puns
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
Gorilla Puns
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Monster Puns
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Color Puns
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
How to Get Regular Visits
A couple of old ladies were sitting on a patio and speaking to each other about their grandchildren. "I send gifts, greeting cards and checks to my grandchildren," complains one, "and still they barely visit me!" The second old lady said "Oh I too send checks to my grandchildren and they visit me all the time!" "You are so fortunate to have more grateful grandchildren than my own." said the first one sadly. The second old lady smiled: "No my grandchildren are about as grateful as yours." "So what do YOU do different? Are your checks bigger than mine?" Asked the first one, surprised. "No," chuckled the other old lady, "I just don't sign mine."
The Little Boy and the Gravestones
A woman takes her little boy to visit their dead relatives' gravestones at a cemetery. The little boy has never been to a cemetery before. The woman first takes her son her grandmother Annie's gravestone. The initials under Annie's name say R.I.P. The little boy asks, "Mommy, what does R.I.P. stand for?" His mother replies, "It stands for 'Rest in Peace.' That means we wish for Grandma Annie's spirit to find peace in the afterlife." Then, they come across the gravestone of the woman's uncle Joe. The little boy asks, "Mommy, what does R.I.H. stand for?", pointing to the initials printed under Uncle Joe's name. "We really didn't like Uncle Joe." Said his mother.
Friendship Quotes
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
Oral Hygiene Puns
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Frankenstein Puns
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Ancient Rome Puns
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn