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Turtle Jokes

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)
Worm Puns
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Appliance Puns
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
An Elephant Never Forgets
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log. The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?" The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago." The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!" "Yes," said the elephant proudly. "Turtle recall."
Funny Animal Quotes
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
Turtle Puns
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.