Trained Jokes

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, “I’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed and I am too embarrassed to seek help.” A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, “I overheard your story and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Here’s my card, give me a call.” A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work. The psychiatrist says to the other guy, “Hi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you so I hope you are doing okay.” The other guy says, “things are great, the bartender helped me.” Psychiatrist, “the bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldn’t?” The other guy says, “he told me to saw the legs off my bed.”
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”

- Corey Ford.