Jokes > Tags > Shoulder Jokes

Shoulder Jokes

Nuts Puns
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Zombie Puns
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Arm Puns
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Color Puns
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Parrot Puns
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
Irish Puns
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Shower Puns
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Frankenstein Puns
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
Snow Puns
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
One Liners and Short Jokes
I showed up late to a cannibal party.
I got the cold shoulder.
The Good Samaritan
I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You floor your purse on the floor outside McDonald’s." "Thank you so much!" She exclaimed. "Where is it?" "I just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s."
The Rabbi's Wife
At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "I need a favor. I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to?" Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and said, "You'd better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago."
Friendship Quotes
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
Monster Puns
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Weather Puns
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
Ice Puns
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.