Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
The Blind Shopkeeper
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She said, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He said, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She said, "that's amazing! You can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter? I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh that sounds like a Mastercard." He notes. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally toots. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and said, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asked, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replied, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50." She paid the bill…
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.